DATING THE MODERN DAY BLACK WOMAN
Dating the Modern Day Black Woman can be trying to say the least at times. A strong black woman embodies what most good black men desire in a woman but sometimes there is a serious disconnect between the black man and the black woman.
Real Talk … I personally have a phenomenal woman in my life. She is beautiful, sexy as hell, intelligent, loyal, strong, affectionate, but most importantly she treats her man with respect as I do her.
When I say respect, by no means do I mean subservient in any way but respecting her man not only in public but in private as well.
Unfortunately up until this point I had been like many of my brothers left shaking our heads and trying to figure out how to make this thing work.
This video link is not only funny but sad at the same time. As black men we run across this all the time.
As men we often feel that black women have unrealistic expectations of what a good man should look like. No person comes to the table perfect as I often say I am a work in progress. I do agree that certain things by a certain age should already be in place but as women are you asking for characteristics in a mate that you not only not embody but can not appreciate.
I hear women all the time to say that they want a man to court them like men did back in the day. Two questions I have.
One : Are you like the women were back in the day?
Two : Are you sexing him the second night after you met him?
All women deserve respect but all women don’t deserve to be courted.
A lot of women grew up watching their mothers hold it down because the dads were sorry and left their households hanging. Some mothers due to the bitterness towards the men, ingrained in their daughters’ minds that you don’t need a man in order to survive. You can do good or bad by yourself.
I think that is the wrong message to convey.
GOD has equipped men and women unique skills so that together we are destined to be what he wants to be.
When we date women with this attitude, there seems to be no room for flexibility or no margin for error. The man leaves because he gets tired of the drama and the woman proclaims that there are no good men out here.
There are plenty of us but are you in a position to receive?
December 6, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I have to agree with you. You’ve made excellent points. The one you did miss however. That we are all human and have our own opinions. Therefore, we sometimes have to agree to disagree. And when you are at that point the bible says that man should make the final decision. Right or wrong we should stand by him. This doesn’t mean endure it all.
There is a breaking point for us all. And we sometimes have to realize this person is not equally yoked for you. Because when they are. You have the same vision and outlook for the future.
As women we have to allow our men to be men. And treat them like men and nothing less. What many women fall victim of they feel like they must take on the world by themselves. No you don’t. God made men for a reason. To be our strength.
Wow. Well said.
May 16, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I don’t agree with you. You said GOD made men for a reason and that reason wasn’t to take care of women. A woman was made for the men. Yes men are suppose to take care of his house whole, but get it straight Man was created first to walk the world in GOD image. Woman was created to occompany the man so to speak.
December 6, 2010 at 3:46 pm
To be fair, a woman who is willing to sleep with someone early should be judged no harsher than the man who sleeps with her. Maybe he isn’t worthy of the type of women who deserves courting. Few men ever want to turn the mirror on themselves. She’s ‘less than’ because she had sex soon, yet he can stand in judgment of her when he didn’t turn her down? Naw. Doesn’t fly for me. But hey, we’re all different.
Let me be clear I don’t think that she should be judged harshly because she slept with a man early because it takes two to tango. I do feel that if a woman has an expectation of being courted that might not happen. Most men make up in their minds early what direction they want to go in with you. If he meets you at the club and you sleep with him that night he is not looking to court you. Not to say that he will dog you either but it’s just a different feeling than if you would have taken things at a slower pace. I know that seems to be a double standard but it is how men think.
December 7, 2010 at 8:41 pm
You still seem to be putting the weight on the woman. If I consistently attract and give air time, to wack dudes, I have to look at myself. Seems everyone can see the logic in that when it puts the weight on the woman’s shoulders. But few are able to look at it from the aspect that if a man is consistently attracting and bedding easy women, maybe there’s something about him that means he doesn’t deserve ‘courtable women’. When most men encounter a woman who will bed them at the word ‘Hello’, they see it as a sign that they as men, are so great. No. It’s not that at all. It’s more likely that something about that man attracts easy women. He may not be able to get a real court-worthy woman.
*This response was written after 2 glasses of wine.
*
December 7, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Not all men are dogs however, A lot of men do not know to court a woman. They were never taught how to properly treat a woman which is why a lot of women develope the mentality that they don’t need a man. Why need someone who isn’t pulling his weight to begin with? Why need someone who changes from who we met after a few weeks/months of dating. Why let someone knock you down when you can do that all on your own? That’s a womans mentality and given whatever her situation is, her reasons for saying she doesn’t need a man are valid.
Gone are the days where a woman feels like she NEEDS a man to do things she can’t. He’s stronger than she is. He’s smarter. He makes more money. Present are the days of WANTING a man. And a want is far different than a need.
We WANT a man for love and companionship. We WANT a man to start and raise a family with. We WANT a man to be our equal partners in life. times have changed and with them so have the mentality of women. We make our own money. We run our own households. We can raise our own children. And we have become this way because so many men choose to walk away or not bring anything to the table or just think women are SUPPOSE to do all of these things anyway.
We want to be courted, of course we do. But we need for men to learn how to do that 1st. And I’m not speaking for myself. I have a man who was raised right and knows how to treat woman from jump.
P.s. if you meet a woman in the club, more than likely you met her to have sex with her. Not for a relationship. Let’s be real here.
December 7, 2010 at 5:56 pm
The subject of relationships between black men and women is vast. We can debate the many,many issues besieging us until we are purple in the face. What we must come to an agreement on is the fact that black relationships can survive and not only survive but thrive. You ask two questions in response to women who say they want to be courted like the women were back in the day. The first question: Are you like the women were back in the day? The second question: Are you sexing him the second night after you met him?
The answer to your first question is yes and no. Yes because we are still the women God created and we should be treated as such. No because unlike our predecessors we have more equal opportunities available to us, that enables us to take care of ourselves. With this new found freedom comes an unwillingness to dig in and make things work when they start to go wrong. The first thing a women will say is ” I don’t need you, I can take care of myself” and she can. But what about the fact that the man feels like a man because you are allowing him to take care of you. So what you can take care of yourself, so what. Allow the man to do it and make the needed adjustments so that you can function as a couple. Two people in sync on the same page headed in the same direction. No we aren’t like the women back then because we constantly don’t have our mans back when he needs us to. And as a black man in America he always needs us to. So in order for us to get the treatment or courting that once went on, we need to check our flip lips and the “I can run my own world” mentalities at the door. To answer the second question the wedding would be called off if anyone thought for a second that the courting couple had engaged in sexual intercourse prior too walking down the aisle. So I don’t care how hot or horny we may be, we as women need to understand that no good man is trying to marry you, if you’re sleeping with him the first or second night. We need to decide what position we want to play ladies. If you want to play the wifey position you have to display wifey characteristics. If you want to play the jump off chick position forever continue to make jump off chick moves. Guess what ladies it truly is your call…..what’s it gonna be. In my case, I’m standing in the position to receive from my man.
December 15, 2010 at 6:40 pm
In response to the deleted post: Women over 30 don’t get pregnant by “accident”. Babs was aware and agreed with this statement when we were seeing each other back in the day. Do whatever you have to do to maintain a presence in your daughters life.
I appreciate bruh. You know sometimes we get caught slipping but I have a beautiful daughter as a result so its all good. As men we shouldn’t have to fight to have that presence in our kids lives but some women make it difficult. Big dawg I have strong shoulders and determination to see this thing through.
Appreciate the support.
December 17, 2010 at 6:12 pm
maintain a presence?
That’s a cop out. Takes a lot more than just a presence to be a parent.
December 17, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Hmmm Sherri, I will give you that. From the post it seemed he was getting blocked to get real quality time. Poor choice of words on my part, how about “whatever you have to do to be a real father to your daughter” better?
December 18, 2010 at 12:37 am
thanks for giving me that one.
There are 2 sides to every story. His, hers and the truth.
Truth is, there is nothing and no one that could keep me from my child. The courts are open 5 days a week – no summer break. Nolo Press has do it yourself books. Legal aid??
There was a lot of other foul stuff in that post for me to accept much of it as the truth. Sorry
Just an FYI. The post was 100% accurate maybe not the kindest but accurate. There is no worse feeling in the world than to want involvement in your child’s life and baby mama makes it difficult. You are right the court system is their to assist. I would rather that money be spent on the child but sometimes you have no other recourse.
December 18, 2010 at 3:02 am
Your welcome
I certainly don’t portend to know the absolute truth in this situation, but regardless the child is the priority.
As for the rest of the post….”Fair is foul and foul is fair”
December 23, 2010 at 1:00 am
I find it amazing that people sat back and watched her act in a passive aggressive manner and pick, pick, and pick and when you decided to tell your side you became the anti-Christ. It has been said that it is her “business” what she blogs about well if it’s good for the goose…
You can’t be that bad of a Dad. She has said that she would procreate with you. Three sides to every story. She told her side, why can’t you tell yours? Oh I know! Maybe your side is too closely related to the truth? Life is life and sometimes, the truth hurts and simply can’t be Photoshopped!
Love your daughter. She is who you owe love and an explanation to. Blogland will be okay. Let them eat cupcakes.