10 THINGS ABOUT ME YOU DIDN’T KNOW

I know that many of my readers are just getting to know me so I thought I would do a fun light-hearted post for a change.

Here are 10 things about T Renard that you didn’t know :

I ONCE TOOK NIA LONG OUT ON A DATE.

I STRONGLY DESIRE TO HAVE A LITTLE GIRL. (Either by adoption, natural childbirth, or the “Brady Bunch” way)

I AM A VORACIOUS READER. (I was once told that “If you want to hide something from a black man, put it in a book and he will never find it.”)

I AM A BIG TWILIGHT ZONE AND BONANZA FAN.

I LOVE A WOMAN THAT KEEPS HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE TOGETHER.

ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN IN 4 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS, I DON’T LIKE THE WAY I LOOK IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA.

MY FAVORITE ARTIST OF ALL TIME IS TUPAC SHAKUR.

I AM MORE ATTRACTED TO THE SMARTEST WOMAN IN THE ROOM THAN THE PRETTIEST (although it helps if she is both).

I HAVE TOTALLY CONSIDERED NEVER MARRYING AGAIN.

I HAD THE NICKNAME OF TYSON IN SCHOOL BECAUSE I ALWAYS GOT INTO FIGHTS.

AGE AINT NOTHIN’ BUT A NUMBER OR IS IT?

We all have funny dating quirks. I hear a lot of women say that they will not date a short man. Luckily I am a strapping 6 foot 2. One of my partners will only date light-skinned women, while another partner will only date dark-skinned women. Although I think most of these preferences, as they are called, are mainly shallow, I have a preference myself. I prefer to date older women.

This is not something that just started once I became an adult, I have always had this preference. When I was in the second grade, my girl was in the third grade. It is a trend that I have carried into adulthood. When I have attempted to get to know a younger woman, she has always revealed herself to be immature. Immature for me is someone who is very concerned with the type of car a man drives or what they are wearing to the club this weekend. I think most of us had that mentality in our 20’s, but now that I am in my mid 30’s, those things are not that important.

The main reason for my preference of an older woman is that AN OLDER WOMAN DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. In my experience, in dating a woman 10, 15, and even 20 years my senior, they don’t complain about the seemingly trivial things in life. They have grown to the point where they pick and choose their battles. The small stuff is just not that important. In my experience, younger women seem to bitch about the smallest things and end up driving the man away.

The older woman has learned through adolescent mistakes what to do and what not to do in relationships. The younger woman not only has more growing up to do but she also needs the time to figure out how to keep a sustainable relationship.

Do you have preferences in a mate? What are they?

I WILL STILL WHOOP A MAN’S ASS, BUT NOW I DON’T HAVE TO.

Yesterday I read an article in a local publication about Kimora Lee and her new life with her new husband. It was a very insightful article and it ended with a this quote ” I will still beat a b@*@*@* ass, but now I don’t have to.”   That statement really struck a nerve with me because at this point in my life I can relate.

As many of you know, I went through a difficult marriage that involved infidelity. I remember calling this man and letting him know that I was on my way to his house to deal with him face to face. GOD was definitely on my side that night (and his too). You know, it’s amazing how we react when our mate cheats, we have so much hurt and anger towards the person they are cheating with. In actuality, the problem should be with your mate. Your mate is the one who made the commitment, your mate is the one you laughed and cried with. Your mate is the one you made countless sacrifices for. Yet, we go after the other person.

At that time in my life, it represented my all time lowest point. You do all that you can do to take care of your family and it still is not enough. For me the most important thing I have to have in a relationship is trust. When there is no trust, there is no peace in my soul. At this point in my life I have peace. As a man, a business owner and a father of two boys, the last thing I want to worry about is what my mate is doing when she is not with me.

As a man, it is my responsibility to make sure that I do not create an opening for another man to come in. I am very guilty of being caught up in my life and all of its nuances and not paying close enough attention to my lady’s needs. Although I am forever a work in progress, I now am in tune with my lady’s needs, wants and desires. I also understand that a woman doesn’t expect her man to be perfect, but a woman expects her man to care about her feelings. As a man, I recognize that all of life’s achievements mean nothing unless you have a phenomenal woman at your side.

I thank GOD for bringing peace to my life.

And YES, I will still whoop a man’s ass, but now I don’t have to.

THE MINSTREL SHOW IS DEAD…OR IS IT?

Yesterday I came across a profile picture on Facebook that stopped me in my tracks. It was the picture to the left. A man in black face. My first thought was anger then disappoint and then back to anger. My assumption was that this person was white. A poor misguided soul who does not understand the emotions tied to this caricature. Or someone who new exactly what he was doing and felt the need to rub this in every African American’s face. Either way it got me to thinking, minstrelsy is alive and it is sometimes African-Americans who are perpetuating it.

The Minstrel Show was a show that was common during the 1800’s. It lampooned black people in mostly disparaging ways: as ignorant, lazy, buffoonish, superstitious, joyous, and musical. The characters were played by whites ( and sometimes blacks) made up in heavy black face paint who spoke with broken dialect and stumped speech. The more and more I thought, I realized that I see people on a daily basis who are performing these shows and don’t even know it.

When I see the young men and women walking the Atlanta streets with their pants three sizes too big hanging from their behinds that have to be held up by one hand at all times, I think Minstrel Show. Even this morning watching Maury, I saw a twenty-something year old man with 12 kids who was disputing the paternity of two more because he said the balls of the baby were too light to be his, I think Minstrel Show.

When I see ignorant ass Lil Wayne giving an interview with a 40 in his hand, wife beater on, pants sagging, tatted up and no semblance of the King’s English, I wonder how is this different than the white man in the 1800’s who made fun of the way we walked, talked, danced, etc. The difference? I see none.

How about the brother with his “baby mama’s” name tattooed on his neck, who smiles and his whole front grill is gold, and every other word is “You know what I’m sayin’” Nah not really cuz.

The Minstrel Show played its part in American history. Let us not make fun of ourselves any longer.

 

 

 

A MAN KNOWS WHEN THERE IS TROUBLE IN PARADISE

I had a great conversation with a good friend over the weekend. She is married but going through marital issues (been there done that), but her most taxing issue is the amount of attention she gets on Facebook. On her profile, she lists her status as married but men from all walks of life send her provocative emails to her inbox. After looking at her profile more closely, I proceeded to educate her and help her to get into the male psyche.

As I have stated in previous posts, men are very visual. So if a man happens to come across your profile on a mutual friend’s page, if you are a “stunna”, he may request a friendship. A man is more apt to check the amount of mouths you have to feed as opposed to your relationship status. For the men who choose to look at your status, he can tell a lot about your relationship based on the pictures that you post.

When I looked at my friend’s profile and pictures, I saw happy of pictures of the family and friends. I saw Uncle Sonny, Grandpa James, and about 50 pictures of classmates that she posed with at her last class reunion. But you know what was missing? The Hubby.

I asked why he wasn’t in any of the pictures, she said she removed them because she was mad. BINGO. When a man sees everyone else in your pictures except your man, he knows that there is trouble in paradise.

A married or attached woman for the record has to (in most cases) declare her true status on Facebook. But the depth of her attachment is shown by her photo albums on Facebook. A woman who is with her man in her profile picture is someone that another man has no chance with. That woman is dedicated to her relationship and is letting the world know that she is blissfully in love. A man who can’t be found in the pictures, is just a man taking up space until a better prospect comes along.

A confident man always considers himself a better prospect. He will test the waters with an attached woman to see if he has a chance. If the woman presents an opening, he will seize it.

In your relationship, do you make it abundantly clear that you are happily attached? Or do you create an opening for a man/woman to walk through?

DAD I LIKE THIS GIRL NAMED ALLY, CAN I BUY HER A GIFT FOR VALENTINE’S DAY?

Okay it has already started. A couple of weeks ago, I decided to have lunch with my 8 (soon to be 9) year old son. He was delighted that his dad surprised him on this day. As we were determining where to sit, two young ladies appeared to be competing for our attention. “Sit here … No sit here” Both young ladies seemed to be very adamant that my son sit next to them. Without looking their way, my son very nonchalantly said no thank you and we sat at a different table. I said to him “Wow, that was really nice.” He said “not really they do this every day” and he proceeded to tell me more about his Harry Potter book.

It hit me like a ton of bricks that maybe we needed to have more involved discussions about the opposite sex. To be honest, the young ladies were very polite and very cute little girls. You know the kind where a man says “where is your mama? Is your daddy around?” Not that I have ever done that … okay once … maybe twice … definitely three times … well that’s another post. But my point is that they were well mannered and the type you would like your son to bring home one day … One day being 10 years from now.

After witnessing this, I decided that a father-son talk was in order. Later that night, we each cracked open a bottle of vitamin water and just talked. I wanted to know if those young ladies liked him and how he felt about it. He said they liked him but he didn’t like them. Good because WOMEN ARE DISTRACTING. In a good way, but my son is an honor roll student and I don’t need him distracted now. I used this opportunity to talk with him about inappropriate touching and the importance of respecting a young ladies personal space. He listened and once I wrapped up he said “I like a girl named Ally and I want to get her a Valentine’s Day gift.”

WHOAAAAA PLAYA!!!

I am not hating on my boy’s crush, it’s natural. At his age, I had a crush on a girl named Jennifer for years and I remember what that felt like. We never thought of girls as someone you wanted to have sex with, just someone to call your girlfriend and talk to at school occasionally. That’s it. What scares me is that children now are more mature than we were and are exposed to much more than we were.

I have not decided how to handle the Valentine’s Day gift yet? On one hand I think it is purely innocent. On the other hand, if I had a daughter, she would be returning it immediately and receiving a call to his parents.

What do you think?

I KNOW YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I DELETED YOU….ACTUALLY I DIDN’T NOTICE

Dear T Renard : I know you are wondering why I deleted you from my Facebook page. At the time I was really hurt after a number of attempts of gaining your attention but you ignored me. It was obvious that you are not used to a real woman stepping to you. After much thought, I have decided to allow you to be my Facebook friend again . . .N

My response

Dear N: It’s good to hear from you but sorry to disappoint…I had no idea that I had been deleted. You see, I have 792 Facebook friends so one missing did not catch my attention. As for ignoring you, I didn’t. I just was not interested. So after much (yeah right) consideration, I have decided that it is best that we refrain from making any contact . . . T Renard

This was an actual email dialogue that I felt compelled to share because it has happened to a number of male friends as well. Women get upset with you and not only delete you but block you as well. Are you kidding me?

Some women will do this to prove a point to you but ladies most of the time we don’t notice. They are so many good women out here that are vying or are open to garnering attention from a man that one less doesn’t matter.

So why do women do this?

I haven’t a clue. Please help myself and the other brothers out there to get to the bottom of this.

SOOO…WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF ME?

When I married in August of 2000, I was elated for a number of reasons. I looked forward to starting a family, building my businesses, but most importantly, growing old with someone. The kids would attend college, get married and start life on their own. My wife and I would grow old together and live ’til death do us part. After the divorce, my initial thought was “Who is going to take care of me?”

In my family, as the husbands grow old, the women are right there to take care of their husbands until death. I watched my grandmother take care of my grandfather up until his dying day. Whether it was a hot meal, a warm bath, or the holding of his hand, he knew at all times that he was not dealing with his sickness alone. Who do I have now to take care of me?

I have two great boys who cling to me like super glue and to them I am their hero. I have groomed them to always look after mom and to make sure that they protect her. That is what young men are supposed to do. I asked my oldest once “Why do I always tell you to take care of your mom and not your dad?” After a moment of thought he said “Because my dad can take care of himself” In their eyes, dad is strong like superman, but just like superman I have my kryptonite.

Yes I will remarry one day, but it is not promised that it will last a lifetime.

After much soul searching, I have gotten to the root of my strongest desire. To have a little girl.

I know that my boys love and adore me, but I also know that father and daughter bond that so many share. Even in my own family, my dad and I are close, but the bond that he and my sister have is very special. When my mom is out of town, it is my sister that makes sure my dad has eaten and if not she rushes over with a plate of homemade food. Before she was married, it was he that she called if she saw a bug in the garage that needed to be killed and he did it without hesitation or complaint. Who will I have to take care of me…..my daughter.

I look forward to having the kind of father-daughter relationship that her friends would envy. That special bond or that shared glance that only her and I would share. When she thinks of her dad, she would think of a GOD fearing, honorable man that treated her mother and everyone else with the utmost respect. When she thinks of me, she will think of a man that she could always depend on and always did what he said he was going to do. When she thinks of her dad, she will know of a man who would spend many sleepless nights thinking of ways to make her life better. When she marries one day, she will demand to have a man just like her dad who worked hard and took very good care of his family (emotionally and financially).

And in turn, she will take care of him as he has taken care of her. She will make sure that until his dying day Dad will want for nothing either.

Again, I plan to remarry one day and be with the woman that I am destined to be with and she will be all of that and a bag of chips. Just in case it doesn’t work out as planned, my darling little girl will be there for her daddy.

So keep your fingers crossed and look to the heavens with your prayers. Know that I will be alright…my little girl will make sure of that.

AVATAR…GREAT MOVIE BUT NOT KID FRIENDLY

I had the pleasure last night of getting a sneak peak of the holiday movie blockbuster “Avatar,” which is in theaters today. This post will not spoil the plot (although you could google it) nor give specific details about the movie, so it is safe to read on.

Leading up to this movie, I was not too excited to see it because I really am not a Sci- Fi kind of guy. The movie experience has become so expensive, I really don’t look forward to too many movies anymore. When I do go, phrases like “Make sure you eat before we go” or “OK…If you order Whoppers and popcorn that means you or somebody in your family will be…” okay never mind…back to the movie.

Luckily, I know people in high places so my ticket, popcorn, and drink were on the house, so I just enjoyed the ambiance of AMC Theaters at Atlantic Station in downtown Atlanta. The movie, which is 3D,  was surprisingly very entertaining throughout. Even for the occasional Sci-Fi fan, I could not help but marvel at the special effects. I remember thinking the movies Jaws and Star Wars were pretty cool at the time but this movie is on a whole new level. Excellent effects and a sweet storyline makes this movie a must see.

That’s pretty much all I can say without giving away the details of the movie. I will caution those of you who are considering taking your children. The movie is cool (with the 3D glasses and all) but there is a lot of violence and profanity throughout the movie.  My boys will have to wait for the made-for-TV version.

Are you excited to see this movie? If you have already seen it, what are your thoughts?

THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY MEN CHEAT?

The number one blog question I get is “Why do men Cheat?”

Let me first say that not all men cheat. There are a number of us who are married or in relationships who are happy and infidelity is not an issue. The purpose of this post is to not to endorse but to educate women on why men cheat so that it can be prevented in your relationship.

Some men are sexually greedy and no matter what you do they will always look for another conquest or what we call a “jump off”. A “jump off” is a woman you deal with strictly for sexual purposes and have no intention of committing to beyond the sexual relationship. No movies, no dinners, no plays- strictly the sex. When the man or woman gets tired you move on to the next. These men can’t be helped (unless through counseling) so we will focus on the men who can be helped.

The number one reason why men cheat is that they are not being taken care of at home.

I have cheated in the past in relationships (not my marriage) because I felt my woman wasn’t handling business. So as men, we seek satisfaction elsewhere. The main reason of dissatisfaction is sex.

Women know that sex is a very powerful tool and use it to manipulate us at times. When you are mad or dissatisfied with us in any way, you withhold sex from us.

Ladies: WRONG MOVE.

A man who is not pleased at home sexually will be pleased outside the home sexually. Understand that other women can spot a man who is not well taken care of a mile away. Most women (not some) are not concerned that he is in a relationship and that she could possibly break up a happy home. There is a male shortage, so it becomes survival of the fittest. They will take your man, fuck your man, and then have your man before you can blink an eye.

As men, we have to exercise self-control and honor and value the lady we have at home but when the lady at home is not taking care of you sexually, it becomes more and more difficult to say no.

You may say, why would he risk losing something good at home for some chick on the street (i.e. Tiger)…why??? Because a man feels that if he loses you, his chances of finding another good woman are great. Here in Atlanta, there are many good women who are gorgeous, gainfully employed, and cool people, who are looking for a good man to lay beside them. So a man will risk everything for a piece of ass.

The solution ladies is take care of your man at home so that you create no opening for another woman to do it for you. Trust that many are lurking and waiting for you to neglect him…